The Pariah

They’re sending me away
It’s making me sick
To think of it, the memory
A sanctuary for me
Good bye to the rest of you
You’ll never see me again

The day the triggers were pulled
Their fingers squeezed hard
Drove me to the north
So far from my home
Away from my home

A journey, brings me nowhere
I travel through nothing
I’m nowhere I’m nothing

Salvation

The world could fall around me when I look into your eyes When everything’s worth changing discard your accomplishments My thoughts are everywhere My weakness so close to the barrel And underneath My concrete Exterior My heart is filled with regret and sorrow For everything That could have been and should have That could have been and should have been If the light behind your eyes could have saved my life Would you have had the strength to even turn around for me And at the gates of hell I wait for you there To get so close to heaven And taste the promise For so long I looked to you for guidance, in whom now would you have me place my faith Nothing could have saved me

Driving under stars

When I left here this morning Last time I’d see your face Stole’ the car from the driveway Coast down the street with no lights Open road is calling Desperate outstretched embrace Just before the freeway Drop my foot through the floor board and let these old tires grab the road Nothing but the stars to guide me When I slip in through dreams Hope and guardrail won’t catch me Sunrise won’t set me free Wasp patrol’s always watching Our inevitable game I hope I’ll never come back here AS long as I’m breathing You’ll be back there waiting When I left here this morning I didn’t look back I left stars falling from heaven I’ll drive to my funeral The only way home As stars fall from the sky ---------The road has no memory and cleanses away----------- Good bye for forever I’ll never look back Although it’s murdering me You’ll never feel it When I left here this morning I couldn’t look back Stars fell from heaven From out of my hands…….

Can-o-pener

Everything has been built for failure, designed by the hands of a falling god, and the blood, sweat and tears are soon replaced by the lack and the loss of fleeting dreams Try not to damage me---My intentions were good……………When the day comes to a violent ending and your praying for the pieces of a wasted past, remind me not to look into the broken mirror, moments in time hold unbearable weight Wait till the bitter end---Until there’s nothing else left……Choke back the tears and turning stomach no one has to know about the plans you’ve made, sitting on the edge of your bed and reason desire for death is what you long to hold……Saved by a memory---Of what I thought was love---Hope, never changes fate---What tomorrow will bring…..Remembering back to your darkest moments how you thought that this night would be your last and the blood stained tub and razor blades are swept under the carpet and no one knows………

Crime and punishment

I must have committed the great atrocity and the punishment fits Still I’m left to question the nature Was the pain I put into you so great your insides shattered they must have I know

Cage

Time slipped past me today My wristwatch turned to dust All the plans that we made Have all fallen apart Time’s----Gone----for----Forever It’s not something that I wished for But if I prayed then who would answer When I close my eyes at night It doesn’t mean I close my heart A wild heart I couldn’t tame What’s left except this cage Patience is not a trait that I possess-(yet) Although I’ll wait here in stone I’ll---Wait--- --- Stoned-- A wild heart I couldn’t tame What’s left except this cage A wild heart, so set free What’s left an empty cage

Truth

When everything’s already been done and nothing’s left to be sung will you still think of me Your behind every word and the air that passes through these lips My heart must have stopped forever, stagnant blood stays in these veins And if I never see you again I hope you’ll remember I said I will always love you Your life You shared With me Your friend My life Is yours In these words Are truth Is your heart as broken as mine Do you dream and remember those times

Cutting my throat from the inside out

I’ll Die All the highways and side streets of life only lead to detours and inevitable dead ends. There are so many people, millions and millions, each traveling through life in their own direction. Accidents will happen, Tragic wrecks, all to late we realize we’ve become worthless. We’ve become worthless I’d sell my soul for something anything worth more than my life The air I breath is corrosive and eats my flesh away I’ve fasted myself of dreams what if I dreamed of you It killed me, one word, my god, my god what have I done------------------------------------------------On this night of suffering here as angels die screaming The nameless will remain and the meaning of one word Was sharp enough to cut and so it cut my throat It killed me, my god, my god, my god what have I done.

Why I'm not afraid to die

Give myself up to the Gods
It feels so good to have blood on my hands again
How I’ve longed for the night when the sleeping ends
No lock on any door will stop what I have inside
the beast that resides under the surface of my skin

Out with the lights you know we live in the dark
I carry it with me in the chasms of my heart
You won’t be safe and it’s not like you ever were
Wait for the hour pace the halls in your head

What do I care about?
Raise up your eyes

Storm

Hold on to me one last time, kiss the lips of the ones you leave behind
We opened up and grew as one, the rolling skies look ominously dark approaching Storm How was I supposed to know, that you would leave me here to die
I feel the current pulling you away, and I can see it in your eyes inside the Storm
When the sands of time fall through the hourglass and take away my will to live the only thing I’ve left
Drag me out to sea drown me in my own ignorance
I know I’m sinking further the waves have beat me down
Giving up the struggle the tide pulls me away

Seal this promise with a kiss, let go of hands you severed at the wrists
The waves erode the time we spent, harsh winds of fate reshape my future

1 Mile

All of this hard work has all added up to get but 1 mile from where we should be
My bones are broken, My heart has died Child,
if we start from here we’d be back where we were
Save your breath and don’t look back you had the chance to reconsider
live your dreams follow your heart don’t be concerned with the disaster
give you a bleak--moment of life—filled with sickness
sadness— despair—an overwhelming—empty
Save your breath and don’t look back you had the chance to reconsider
live your dreams follow your heart don’t be concerned with the disaster
Still have one request with my dying breath, exits a shell insect rotting corpse
You know the price, you added it up, what would it cost, to let me hear
once more your voice

Between yesterday and forever

When the first of the leaves are falling, on the last of the summer winds,
and cover up the desire, under layers of yesterdays
The days pass by quicker, but that night never ends,
L ike ghosts of the dust, caught in mid motion
I never cared what the rest of this world thinks, I’ll hold these memories as long as I want and your predictable cliché of feeling happy as you keep rolling your eyes and you smile
And I’m sorry but I don’t ever want you to understand, when still you’ve gained nothing
from your lack of perspective, You try to redecorate the shade from the light
Once again the cold air hits my lungs, Numbness embraces my soul
Winter never ends, Pure white snow blinds my eyes, One thousand years on the edge of tomorrow, Yesterday in the blink of an eye
To the ones--I hold--In reverence--and Respect
The word—Love – Is – an understatement
in this life—that’s too short—I won’t surrender

November

At the end of your lane, red roses, while the street light bathes us
I can’t wait, my hand beside your face our eyes gazed, windows to the soul
Hold my hand baby, long summer days all turn to November
Our first kiss at the breaking of innocence, I touch your lips as the stop sign bears witness
Hold my hand baby, warm summer days all end in November
I’ll say it once…Autumn
Face to face in our home 534 it would be nice if we weren’t older
Our last kiss in the moment of timelessness, I taste your lips for the last time

Betrayer

And if nothing else, it kept me out of trouble
I could have been so dangerous but I found peace and serenity
I saw a doctor once, and he reassured me
That everything would be just fine that I would be OK
don’t do this to me this can’t be happening
So do I look at her, as the new betrayer
And will the strength of my own heart fail miserably
As I look at her, the new betrayer
As I look at us all were all betrayers

Bandages may change—Wounds may change—Scars may change
so what stays the same?
Drugs may change—Cuts may change—Pain may change
so what stays the same?
This world may change—And time may change—As their minds change
one thing stays the same
911 the emergency is no one’s answering, no one’s hearing me die

Heartburn

I never wanted it to be this way for you, bring the fire from the sun and burn me alive
Solidify this pain in me, Burn within me---It’s what I deserve---It’s what I deserved

The Legend of

Screens cover the windows but the evening breeze still blows
through and sends the drapes into the room where
paint has been fading on cracked walls on the inside of this empty house
The light in my mind went out

Tomorrow
I’ll resurrect the burden of my own fault
envy of the ones who don’t deserve you at all

So fast before I realized where I was, I had become one of those
Who sleep with the dead and seek the blood
From the beating heart that’s not my own
To haunt the shadows and the night
On that day everything changed how could I ever be the same
Like a swelling wave from the rolling abyss
asphalt from the streets skins my knuckles
but it still can’t wake me up, and the sun sets on me now
as the air fills with perfume, how will I know when you’re dead

A Christmas Song

Sparks scatter as my cigarette hits the ground
There’s hardly any traffic on the streets tonight
December / 24 11:58 ice is just starting to form on the empty roads
I lean into it who wouldn’t smile who wouldn’t smile?
So let it snow where you are the air outside so frightful
here’s a love song for your fire to keep it warm inside of your home
the only thing that I could want is a smile from you to me
so give it up, seems all I got were the worst years of my life
So put the lights up on your tree and put the lights up on your house
your decorations look so perfect it must be warm inside of your heart
I stopped believing in anything anymore. This is the carol set to the season
so put the lights up on your tree and put the lights up on your house it might be Christmas
all around you but this time I wont be there……I won’t be there with you

She's So Hot

While flames billowing out of the windows
I knew this place would never be the same

Ribbons entwined tasseled in her hair
Thick smoke, her last gasping breath for air

Magnificence of this melting coffin inferno
Furniture and fabrics, the fragrance of burning skin….

Charred body, sprawled across the floor
Frozen in embers the ribbons in her hair

The last time I said good-bye
Is the last time I'll say good-bye 

Z

Desolation and emptiness
Swallows whole, encompasses
To travel on, through endless space
Destination an uncharted place

A frozen wasteland with pale grey skies
A lifeless planet but something's not right

Slaves in our own skin, all at once the crew surrounded
Useless were our weapons, incapable preparation

An auto pilot returned us home
We slept in silence and not alone
Airborne plague, how could we know?
We were the host with only one goal

A new horror unleashed onto the human race
Monsters tearing the skin off of your face
There's no stopping something you can't see
As the sun rises the dawn of a new world

Suffering

Rain falls from all sides
Mud clinging to my boots
A warm bed in my wake among shadows I can't recall
I've waited for so long
Trying to almost forget you
What seems like forever with the memories of a ghost

This fatal distraction
As I walk in the darkness
In my tired broken hands something of this world, that took me back for one moment and reminded me of.. 
Those days are long gone
Under those summer skies
Brings me down to my knees
And I place this……on your grave
suffering

Damned

Dawn of time before the backbone or the spine
Had twisted then crushed to ever dream to be so much
Creatures from the water come to reside upon the land
Building visions of the future with the lines across their hands
Fighting harder now than ever and no quitting until the end
But they missed the point the game was up when they were all
Damned
  
Peer past the edge of space, nothing's worthless, except the time we

Wasted, before the battle cries of war
Came from all sides, everyday seeks your only life
Betrayed by the creator who was never known to me
Gave a gift of time to me that rots away like some disease
While never getting older the cascades of falling sand
Cover up our petty little world and make sure we're all
Damned

A devil grin across an angels face
Wings bound and broken before the fall from…

Grace, distaste we wallow in our human waste
Misery, decay, the façade put up on display
Something burning in you like the flame inside of ice
To be is more than anything no matter what the price
When those around shake in fear unprepared to meet the end
A devils smile across your face, you've always known you we're
Damned

Their pleading eyes, try to transcend
But just like us they were always Damned

Chainsaws and Knives

Falling faster closing in on disaster the horror and failure and I should have known

Too late, I learned long ago everything dies
Loved ones, aren't just rusting until everything's over

Whisper softly to me in dreams, gently reassure me that I would always be yours

It's too late, I learned long ago everything dies
Your loved ones, turn to dust when everything's over

In a white room with their fake smiles, poison handshakes and portraits on walls
In a black box, friends surrounding, plastic flowers and the vastness of the clear blue
Open sky above…..

Then into the ground with the others
And out of my hands like my hope

Set my sights on the lack of what had been with great white chainsaws
and knives with your name until forever is over…

Slowly Fast

The fairytale, should not exist
It was the razor blade, across my wrist

That golden moment her tears in the sunset
She'll always remember as I try to forget
She made me promise but I've broken everything
After the daylight had faded and was forgotten

Be gone like the shadows
Dried roses and love notes
Nightmares aren't worth dreading
Beneath seas of what I'm regretting
This is regret

The poison lie, should never have
Trespassed these lips, and fallen for yours

 That golden moment her tears in the sunset
She'll always remember as I try to forget
She made me promise but I've broken everything
After the daylight had faded and was forgotten

Lost in the shadows
Of passion and pleasure
These nightmares aren't worth dreading
They are the seas of what I'm regretting
This is regret

Another day, another death
Another sorrow, another breath

That golden moment her tears in the sunset
She'll always remember as I try to forget
She made me promise but I've broken everything
After the daylight had faded and was forgotten

If this feels like forever, well, just keep waiting…

Unknown

Take everything, take me away
I never desired this life anyways
Spent most of my time trying to hide
Stay out of their sight so they stay out of my mind
This control of me would snuff out my light

I played dead in the backyard, while they conquered what I'd made
Hung skulls upon my door, while the other children played
It should be no surprise that I've been waiting..

Take everything, take me away
I never desired this life anyways
Spent most of my time trying to hide
Stay out of their sight so they stay out of my mind
Their control of me would snuff out my light

I've counted every brick in the wall, and I've counted them twice
I can't sleep in here with the glow from that orange fucking light
And the window pane is a path to no escape
Take me away, with hands behind my back and out of sight out of my mind

I've been so patient…….